Many Stages Of Wii
by ansera
Summary: Two men and their Wii. Morgan/Reid.


READ IT HERE: **http:// ansera. livejournal. com/25277. html#cutid1** except without the spaces. Leave the reviews there too, as well please, for me to answer to. I allow anonymous posting, but you can leave your username if you want to. (:

-|-

**I. Fork Out Money And Pay For It**

"Why do we have this, Derek?"

"Because you keep complaining that you get bored-"

"It's not my fault you can't entertain your own boyfriend."

"Did you or did you not see those books that I bought for you? It would take a normal person more than two weeks to finish that crap."

"Well, it took me a day-"

"Freak."

"I am not a freak as you so tactfully put it. I just read faster than the majority of people that you know."

"I got that much."

"Then why didn't you get me more books?"

"Stop whining."

"I'm not whining, I'm expressing my displeasure-"

"By whining?"

"It's not whining."

"You're whining again."

"Derek-"

"Now you're using the I-can-kill-you-and-leave-no-evidence voice."

"I'm guessing that a lot of people used it on you when you were a kid?"

"Just my Mom."

"My Mom never did that-"

"I don't think you were a troublesome sort of kid, Spence."

"I was, I mean, I- uh, well, I once-"

"Colored outside the lines?"

"Must you be so mocking?"

"You're one haughty bitch, you know that?"

"Either way, I'm not helping you with this _thing_."

"It's not just any thing, Spence, it's _Wii_, it's-"

"A home video game console released by Nintendo that, as a seventh-generation console, competes with Microsoft's Xbox 360 and Sony's Playstation 3. To date, it has shipped 56.14 million units worldwide, with 25.99 million units sent to the Americas-"

"Do I need to know, Spence?"

"If you're going to play it-"

"Then I only need to know how to use this thing-"

"That's a wireless controller, also called the Wii remote, which can be used as a handheld pointing device and can detect movement in three dimensions-"

"Spence, I really don't need to know."

"But if you're going to use it-"

"Then I only need to know what to point and move, nothing else."

"Derek?"

"Yeah, Spence."

"You can point and move something else with someone else."

"Wha- Spence, what're you doin- This is- I still have to-"

"Did you say something, love?"

"Ah- fuck it."

**II. Continue To Cheat With It**

"You unfairly distracted me."

"Stop pouting, Derek, it's not a nice look for you."

"You're cheating, that ain't fair. Every time I try to make a move you keep distracting me, and don't try deny it, Pretty Boy. You keep brushing your hair –and where the hell did you even learn that? Did Prentiss teach you? I bet she did, she does that same thing when she's flirting with someone-"

"Emily has not corrupted me, Derek. I just, you know, pick up things as I go along."

"So if it wasn't Emily, was it Garcia? I bet it was Garcia, wasn't it? She's been talking to me about teaching you ithings/i, and she never tells me exactly what these things are, which makes it kind of obvious that these things aren't things that I want you learning-"

"Derek, you can't decide what I am to learn-"

"'Course I can, Spence, I'm your boyfriend-"

"I would call you a chauvinist, but that's not right, you aren't being prejudiced against women, just me, although you iare/i treating me like a woman, which I find quite degrading, Derek. I am not a girl, I will decide what I will or will not learn. Do not assume that I'm going to blindly follow the orders you give me-"

"And if that's not a feminist speech I don't know what is."

"So you agree that you're treating me unfairly?"

"So iyou/i agree that you're acting like a girl?"

"I am not a girl."

"Now who's pouting?"

"I am not pouting- and, you hypocrite, now you're cheating!"

"I'm not cheating, Spencer, I'm using –what did you call it that time? My best attributes? Something like that, right? I'm using my finest attributes to my advantage, can't blame me for that."

"That was a completely different situation, Derek."

"So it's okay if I use my best attributes to get us out of a BAU dinner but not to win this game?"

"Completely different situations."

"Now if that isn't something you say when you actually can't think of something to say for once in your life, then I don't know what is. You know what, Spencer, it's okay, you can cheat as much as you want, I am going to win either way. You just watch, pretty boy."

"I'm watching."

"See, see, you're doing it again!"

"What exactly am I doing?"

"You're distracting me."

"And you're pouting again."

"You started it."

"I thought you said you could win either way, whether or not I-"

"Cheated?"

"I did not cheat."

"You were fingering that thing like- Whatever. It looked wrong, Spence. Really, you shouldn't do that, especially not in front of the team. Especially Garcia. That girl's got some imagination, you know, and you doing things like _that_ with things that look like, you know."

"You can say the word _penis_ in front of me, Derek. Honestly, sometimes, one would think that you were the blushing virgin, not me. Not that I'm a virgin either, but you realize that when most people look at us, they assume –quite unfairly too—that I am the female in the relationship. However, if you take a closer look, you'd find out that it's you who assumes the female role-"

"Spencer?"

"Yes?"

"You're distracting me again."

"You should be winning despite the distractions, right?"

"Yeah, and I swear that I will."

"Derek?"

"Yeah, Spence?"

"You're not winning."

**III. Play Fairly With It**

"Stop it, Derek, you're being too rough- Derek, stop, Derek, can you stop that- DEREK."

"What?"

"Can you pause this thing, please?"

"Fine. Now, what?"

"You're being too rough."

"What're you talking about? I'm playing the game like it's supposed to be played."

"Derek, if you swung that thing about one more time you would have either dislodged your shoulder or broken something or hit me. You ireally/i don't want to do any of the three, trust me."

"But I'm playing the game, Spence. I'm getting ex-er-cise."

"No, you're trying to kill someon- Pause the game, Derek. Derek. Pause the game- Oh, forget it."

"Hey, hey, what do you think you're doing-"

"If you refuse to pause the game-"

"Don't touch that wire, Spence. See? I've paused the game. Happy now?"

"Yes, actually."

"God, you are such a-"

"If you say it, I'll tell your Mom."

"What do you want, Spence? I'm trying to play the game? Not to mention the fact that I'm actually winning, for a change. Do you know how rare it is for me to win anything against you? You really shouldn't be so sensitive about losing for once in your life, I mean, if I was, I wouldn't be able to live with you."

"I'm not being sensitive about my losing, Derek, it's the _way_ you're winning."

"By playing damn well?"

"No- well, yes. But, no. Stop being so rough, Derek, you keep swinging your hands around. I mean, the point of Wii is for minimal movement, isn't it? That's why teenagers keep playing it, lethargic as they are. You keep moving around, and our living room is only so large, after all. The vase that Des gave us is going to fall. And you know how she gets if her presents aren't prominently displayed around here."

"I am not being too rough-"

"Stop stroking that thing, Derek, it looks wrong."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, Spencer, cause you're going to hurt the poor baby. I'm not being rough, I'm being expressive. You keep making me look at those paintings in those museums, right? They're expressive by painting and rubbish, I'm expressive by playing, same difference. And, Des will live. Not like she puts up our gifts."

"Excuse me? She puts up my gifts, it's yours that she doesn't. I don't blame her, either, who in their right mind would put up some disgusting sculpture of a naked man? Her students visit her place, it would be inappropriate."

"It's not disgusting, it's- er, interesting."

"Interesting is what people say when they're trying not to be cruel and call something ugly, Derek. Like, 'what an interesting tie' or 'what interesting features your daughter has'. The paintings are completely different, anyway. They're works of art, respected and admired by millions around the world. You, on the other hand, are unable to look behind the colors to see the intricacy of the-"

"You already gave me this lecture, Spence. Twice. Remember? That kid in the beanie was laughing at us."

"He was not."

"Yes, he was. He said, and I quote 'the nerd's giving an ass whipping session to this guy' and then his girlfriend said 'he's gonna get so fucked when they get back home."

"Is that why you insisted on having sex in the middle of the kitchen?"

"What can I say? They gave me ideas."

"I cannot believe you took the advice of pubescent who probably thinks of nothing but sex. Do you know how unsanitary that particular stunt is? I mean, while our kitchen is cleaner than most, the amount of bacteria and unseen g-"

"Spence?"

"What?"

"Shut up."

"Hey, what happened to pausing the game?"

**IV. Attempt To Stop Derek From Playing It**

"For God's sake, Derek, stop swinging that thing. Remember the vase?"

"Shut up, Spence. You're making me lose my focus."

"What focus? You're swinging around that remote thing as if it's a real bat. Which it's not, in case you forgot what with the pure _excitement_ of the game and all-"

"No need to be sarcastic, Spence."

"Who said anything about sarcasm, dear Derek? I'm being purely matter-of-fact, not joking, facts and a normal, dry tone without any inflections-"

"Spencer."

"It's extremely easy to rile you, did you realize that? I mean, I don't have to say more than two sentences-"

"Your sentences are far longer than the sentences of normal people, Spence."

"Either way, I only need to say a few sentences about Shakespeare or the electronic functions of the Wii remote –which, if you're interested, includes a motion sensing capa-"

"Spenc-er."

"See? Almost scarily easy to rile you."

"You don't need to sound so happy about it, you know."

"Oh, but I am, Derek. Very much so. When I was a child, my classmates at school, they used to have betting competitions on exactly how long I could speak about any subject –it was strange, I could talk just as much about the similarities between the dinosaur and a dragon as the number of palindromes one uses in their day to day lifestyle. Unfortunately, very few people cared about either topic. It really made things uncomfortable between these classmates and myself, the lack of similarities in interest between us, and how come you haven't shut me up yet?"

"You're talking about yourself, Spence, I'd never tell you to shut up when you're talking about something –or someone—I actually care about. And I can't believe that you still blush when you hear stuff like that."

"Oh, hush. You can stop laughing too, it's not very funny."

"It is to me, love."

"Hmm. Anyway, can we stop playing now? We've been at it for the entire afternoon, I think if I concentrated hard enough, I would be able to feel my glial cells and neurons dying."

"Oh, you're being _sarcastic_ now? Look at me laugh, Spence. Ha. Ha. Ha."

"Now who's being the sarcastic one?"

"I'm not going to stop until I win this damn thing. The tiny thing in the TV is taunting me, I tell you. It's actually laughing when I lose –it's dancing. I am going to win, and I am going to dance, and I am-"

"Going to sound like a psychopath or something."

"I need to win, Spence. It's important. Like- like one of those science papers you write that only more freaks like you are actually going to read, or those lectures that you attend where the guy talks on and on and you're the only nerd in the whole class who doesn't take notes because you remember everything that he says, or an assignment that your old Professors give you that you somehow manage to do even though you still have to work like the rest of us-"

"I get it, I get it. Must you dramatize it?"

"I'm not dramatizing; I'm stating."

"Definitely dramatizing. And need I remind you that every time I try to write one of those papers you eventually insist that I join you for a game, and whenever you join me on those lectures you insist on distracting me and force me to leave early, and during these assignments you literally drag me to that Indian place so that you get to have that food-"

"Fine, so maybe, just maybe, I don't place care too much about all that stuff and you don't for my stuff so it works, right?"

"Exactly. So that's why I'm telling you, stop playing before I have to take _other_ measures."

"Like what? Hey, what's Clooney doing? Clooney, Clooney, here boy. No boy, Clooney- Clooney don't touch that wire Clooney. Clooney- Spence, do something- No, don't do that-"

"I'm just going to say here that I find this highly amusing."

"No, Clooney. Fuck."

"More than just highly amusing, actually, extremely so."

"Spence?"

"What?"

"Shut up and put the wire back in before Clooney gets an electric shock or something. My baby's drooling all over that thing. Spence, make him stop, I don't want my baby to get in trouble again, the vet's got to think I'm abusing the thing considering how many times we visit."

"I'm not touching that wire. Not if you paid me."

"Spence- Spence, hey, where're you going now?"

"To our room. You may join me if you wish. Of course, I could get started alone?"

"Right. Hell with the game."

**V. Convince Spence To Fix It**

"Come on, Spence. Help me out with this, please. After everything I've done for you, after all the trouble I've gone through to help you, after the months that we've spent together giving each other our-"

"I'm not doing it. _I_ am not the one trying to be the dominant in this relationship, and your begging isn't doing much to convince me."

"Does that mean you're the girl in this relationship?"

"No, it means that you are trying to be the man in this relationship –the bigger man. You're failing, of course. The day you realize that muscles and women ogling you like you're a new bag from Chanel doesn't mean that you're the alpha male is the day when you actually become the alpha male. I think it might take a long while, though. 'He finally come into his manhood… Like a rainbow after the rain.'"

"You just quoted something, didn't you?"

"A Raisin in the Sun, by Lorraine Hansberry, a play that debuted on Broadway in 1959. The story was based on the experiences of a colored family in the-"

"I've read the damn book, Spence. I did go to school, remember?"

"Of course, you did, Derek. Although, you tend to prefer the more athletic side of school, after all, and I don't expect you to remember the Literature textbook that you were given in fifth grade or something."

"You know me so well."

"I do, which is why I also know that you're about to beg me to fix that game of yours. I am hoping that –what was it you said?— after everything you've done for me, after all the trouble you've gone through to help me, after the months we've spent together giving each other our everything, you'd be able to predict my answer being a ino/i."

"Please, Spencer? I'm begging you here. You can't turn me away when I'm begging. Do you know how often I beg to people? Almost never-"

"Liar. You begged me to do your reports last week, then you begged Garcia to search for the books I like so that when my birthday comes you can take credit it for it and give them to me as a surprise gift, then you begged your Mom to make those muffins-"

"Dude, you begged too."

"And you begged me to make your breakfast yesterday, you begged me to suck you off in the middle of a bathroom –a public bathroom, might I add—and you also begged-"

"I get the picture, Spence."

"So you agree that you beg a lot for a man who is attempting to appear to be the alpha of the relationship?"

"Please? I really, really, _really_ want to play this game."

"It doesn't matter that I was forced to play it for the entire day yesterday? That I have a precious few days of the year when I don't actually have to attend work? That I can't even spend those partaking in activities I enjoy?"

"I promise that if you fix this for me, I'll- well, I'll do anything you want for the next week."

"Derek, you already do everything I want."

"I do not."

"Yes, actually, you do."

"I don't."

"You may keep repeating that to yourself, but it doesn't change the fact that –at the end of the day—you really do."

"Whatever. Please, Spence? I want to play this thing. Just one more game, and that's it."

"Do I look like your personal handyman?"

"You sure would make a good one."

"God, stop leering. Fine, I'll take a look at it, although I'm not promising anything. While I am proficient at the basics of-"

"I'm confident in your ability to fix something that a dog messed up, love, thank you."

"Fine. But please remember this occasion so that the next time you beg me for something, you can't say 'I've never begged for anything' or 'You've never done anything for me', because I have."

"'Course you have, Spence. And, begging ain't that bad. Like, that blowjob? Totally worth it."

**VI. Invite Others To Play With It**

"This is so weird."

"What?"

"_This_."

"As descriptive as that is, Spence, I'm gonna have to ask for a few more details."

"Doesn't this feel a little weird for you?"

"Nope. And is there a reason we're talking in whispers?"

"Because- it's-"

"Wait, let me guess, weird?"  
"Yes!"

"No really, it's really not. Calm down, Spence, I know you're not used to this, but I promise that it'll get better in time. I mean, look at them, they're all having fun. Well, I think Hotch is having fun, I hope so anyway, you can't really tell with that man. I mean, I think he's kind of pissed that Kevin's beating him at bowling, but besides that, everyone else looks pretty happy."

"Not that, it's just-"

"Different?"

"Well, yes. I guess it is. I mean, these are people we work with, Derek. When we get back to work on Monday, how do you expect to face them with a straight face after watching Rossi try to play tennis and lose to Emily –especially considering what they did after that-"

"Wait, you didn't know?"

"Know about Rossi and Emily? Of course not, if I'd known, don't you think that I would have said something at some point?"

"Don't get your panties in a knot. I thought you knew."

"Really?"

"Really. I mean, they were pretty obvious if you think about it. Didn't you notice that they ended up next to each other in the airplane? After every single case, and after the last one where Emily was cut, you didn't see how freaked out Rossi looked? Even Hotch stayed away from him, it was creepy. Or how about the fact that Hotch keeps ending up switching rooms at the last minute?"

"No, actually, because every plane ride you keep insisting that I become initiated to the Mile High Club –although I hope you realize that I've been _initiated_ over twenty times now— and that I was too busy worrying about that knife cut you had to notice Emily, and that I'm quite occupied in the rooms after a case. Again, by you, might I add."

"Are you blaming the fact that you totally missed their relationship on me?"

"Since you are to blame, yes, I am."

"You are such a dweeb."

"That's not even a proper insult, Derek. Although, I have to admit that they do seem happy with each other. Tentatively so, but happy nonetheless. A lot like us."

"You aren't going to spend a fortune on clothes any time soon, are you? Because Rossi was complaining just now that Emily did, brought JJ and Garcia with her too –something about a girl's night out. You know what, Spence? You should join them, I'm sure that they'd accept you into their sisterly fold like Des and Sarah did, Mama too."

"I thought we'd already achieved the fact that there is no way that I am the female in this relationship."

"Spence, have you seen us in a mirror lately? We walk into a gay club and everyone –I'm telling you, every single guy there—would be able to point out that you're the girl between us. Don't pout, now, nothing you can do about it. It's in your genes, what with the fine bones and the long hair-"

"It is not long-"

"Could use a haircut, though."

"I am not feminine. Not overly so, anyway. There are plenty of people in the world who have similar features to me."

"None of them as pretty though, and none of them mine. Anyways, I'm pretty sure that if we go on talking about everything good about you we won't be able to join in the rest of them for the rest of the night, I'm changing the topic. Exactly what is so weird about this?"

"Our _colleagues_ are playing _Wii_ in our _living room_. Doesn't any part of that sentence seem strange to you?"

"No, not really. I'm guessing it does to you, since you're having a hissy fit."

"I am not having-"

"Yeah, you are. Now, why don't you go play wrestling with Jack-"

"No way, we both know that he'd win. You go play against him. Children these days spend an increasing amount of time playing games that-"

"Spence. The kid's five or something. So, you get out there and kick his butt, okay?"

"I don't think Hotch would appreciate the sentiment."

"Considering Hotch is getting his ass handed to him by his five year old, I don't think he'd mind too much. So, off."

"I swear, Derek Morgan, the next time you try to get me to fix that thing of yours-"

"Shut up and kick baby butt."

**VII. Get Rid Of It**

"Throw it out, Derek."

"No way."

"Derek."

"Spencer."

"I haven't been able to do a thing in this house without you either forcing me to play the damn game, or hearing those annoying noises from that stupid stereo system you insisted on installing, or having to fix something else that you _accidentally_ broke because you jumped too high or swung too hard, or listening to you yammer on about that wretched game."

"…Wretched? Really? I didn't think people actually said wretched anymore. And, yammer? Man, Spence, you sound like a fifty year old. Calm down. I'm just enjoying the time that I'm spending with my baby here-"

"_It_ is not a baby. _It_ shall never be a baby. If you call it a baby one more time, I swear, I shall not be held responsible for the actions that I take."

"Somebody needs to chill."

"Somebody needs to stop playing that game."  
"Why're you so worked up over this anyways?"

"Why? _Why?_ Maybe because I haven't been fucked by my boyfriend –the same man who insists that he is in fact the male of this relationship—in over a week because he's either playing the game, or too sleepy from playing the game."

"That's it?"

"Did you not-"

"Spence, if you needed to be fucked, all you need to do is say the word. Do you realize how hot that was?"

"Uh-"

"Guess not. Come on, the game can wait. And you, Pretty Boy, don't need to."

-|-

Hey everybody - this story was a random thing I wrote, because everyone I know has suddenly fallen in love with Wii. Feel free to comment here or at my LJ. (:


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